Avoid  the Durian fruit like the plague. This shouldn’t be too difficult as it smells a lot like a plague, and a particularly nasty one at that, with oversized flies and a one-eyed cat dragging itself around the stalls that are unfortunate enough to be cursed with the burden of selling such a monstrosity of a fruit.

If the smell of the beast wasn’t enough of a hint, Nature has also provided us with another warning in the Durian’s protective layer. This comprises of a vast array of spikes meaning that it is more effectively employed as a weapon than anything, dare I say, edible.

Not a particularly lethal weapon mind, a small crowd dispenser perhaps to be dispensed by police with the aid of a slingshot. Any potential rioters are then met with the double whammy of being impaled on the spikes and then being covered with its toxic fluid. Kim Jong-Il eat your heart out.

Do not, however, attempt to eat the Durian’s heart out, as ancient folklore claims that this is the life force of its disgusting taste and it will liquefy any bodily organs it comes into contact with.

In fact, the horror film ’What Lies Beneath’ was a remake of a documentary entitled ‘What Lies Beneath the Durian’s skin’ which catalogued the effects of digesting Durian on unsuspecting tourists.

If you do laugh in the face of pure evil and are enticed into trying this so-called fruit then for the love of god, burn the remains. Dumping the Durian in a refuse area will only allow it to grow and evolve in its natural habitat.

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